Josh Cohen's First Bad Orgasm

Josh Cohen is a traffic reporter and writer. He regularly blogs on Multiple Mentality(http://www.multiplementality.com), and lives near Atlanta, GA, with his wife and four cats.

I used to spend a lot of time on AOL -- in the chat rooms and on the newsgroups and boards -- back in the pre-unlimited-hours days, back when it was x dollars per hour. I met some interesting people, including the girl who is the subject of my 1000-mile booty call story. But I also met a girl we'll call C.

I chatted with C for a couple of weeks before deciding that it might be interesting to go out with her. Just to see what she was like in person. After all, she lived only about 10 minutes from my college (where I was living in the dorms). My roommate was already gone for the winter break, and my dad (who was coming to town to pick me up and take me home for break) wasn't coming into town until two days later.

What the hell, right? I could get laid, or I could have a fun time, or nothing could happen. Worse comes to worst, I spend $20 (C and I were going to play pool), then come home, shower, read, and go to bed.

I picked C up at her house. She was, to put it mildly, not what I expected. She was a little less than average in terms of attractiveness, and had misrepresented her weight. And in person, she was far less witty and engaging, which was much worse (in my eyes) than any problems I might have with her appearance.

But I was already there, and I'm not the kind of person to show up and then drive off. So we went out to the pool hall, played a few frames, and then she decided she wanted to see the dorms.

What the hell, right? I took her back to my dorm. We talked for a couple of hours, growing physically closer each time one or the other of us got up from the bed (where we were sitting -- the chairs provided by the school were uncomfortable at best).

Sitting turned to touching turned to kissing turned to putting the light out and making out, and eventually I asked her if she wanted to have sex. We hadn't done very much foreplay (I'd tried, but she was pretty stiff and unresponsive; she hadn't tried anything on me), but I was getting to the point where I wanted this to end.

She said yes, so I put on a condom and we had sex.

Never before and never since have I actually tried to come quickly. She didn't moan; she didn't move; she didn't respond; she didn't come (and believe me, I tried to get her off); she didn't writhe; she didn't clutch; she didn't arch. She just laid there and took it.

I gave up on trying to make her come and just finished as quickly as I could. I think by that point we both knew it wasn't working. I came, I pulled out, I disposed of the condom, and in the dark we both got dressed. I saw her to the dorm room door, and she left.

That was the last time I saw C. I didn't talk to her after that. She didn't try to talk to me. No e-mails or IMs were exchanged.

One week later, I had a very satisfying (and very brief) relationship with another woman I met on AOL. She was everything that C was not, in terms of intelligence, wit, and sexual response. I quickly forgot about C, and have thought of her very infrequently since that night, the night of my first and only bad orgasm. The sexual experience I'd most like to forget.